DEAR ABBY: When I was a teenager, my immigrant grandparents brought back hand-knit sweaters from Ireland, the country in which they were born, for everyone in our family. I cherish mine and take care of it, even though I’ve outgrown it.
Years later, a close friend asked to borrow this sweater for her neighbor’s child, who needed “something Irish” for a show-and-tell event at school. The kids were asked to bring items that had to do with Ireland. When I refused to loan my heirloom sweater, my friend told me she’d already promised her neighbor she could borrow it. She became very angry, accused me of being selfish and hasn’t spoken to me for a couple months. We live in the same town, so I run into her sometimes. She’s cordial but distant and clearly still upset with me. Bear in mind that I hardly know my friend’s neighbor — the one who wanted to borrow my sweater for her child. But even if I did, I wouldn’t loan this heirloom to anyone. Was I wrong? — SENTIMENTAL IN MICHIGAN
DEAR SENTIMENTAL: You were neither selfish nor wrong! Your “friend” was out of line. She should never have promised anyone the use of property that wasn’t hers. And for her to ice you now for refusing to give it to her and risk that something so precious to you could be damaged is plenty nervy. My advice is to follow her example. Be cordial but distant, and do not permit her to make you the bad guy for saying no.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, California 90069. Copyright 2024, Andrews, McMeel Syndication.