Dear Annie: My best friend’s ex-wife and I have found each other after decades and fallen in love. The whole situation is really complicated. She left their marriage over 30 years ago and recently divorced another man — the one she left my friend for. She left my friend bitter and broken and he’s never really forgiven her. I can’t blame him.
But she recently reached out to me, and I’ve grown very fond of her. I’ve asked him repeatedly if my connection is upsetting to him. He’s said he doesn’t care but does not want to know details. Well, I mentioned her the other day and he exploded, saying I had betrayed him and how could I? He is angry, hurt and refuses to speak to me. He is my best life-long friend! What can I do? — Stuck Between Love and Friendship
Dear Stuck: The truth is that you knew your friend’s emotions were at risk when you started dating the woman who broke his heart. I am not sure why you brought her up after he requested you keep the relationship to yourself, but here we are.
Your relationship with his ex is clearly painful to him, so I would respect his space while he takes time to cool off. I would then reach out expressing how much you value his friendship and want to keep it in your life.
I can only assume you see a serious future with this woman, otherwise you wouldn’t have gone down this road. So talk to her about potential boundaries you can set to make your friend feel more at ease about your relationship.
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“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].
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