CLEVELAND, Oh – My sister-in-law is planning a vacation for next summer. A few months ago, she asked me if it would be OK to take my teenage daughter. I explained to her that I didn’t think it would be a good idea. We would need to get her passport renewed (which we weren’t planning on doing), the cost was more than we have or would be able to spend, and her behavior and grades have not been good and certainly don’t merit such an extravagant vacation. We also just had some unexpected expenses that put a dent in our savings and budget.
I thought this was the end of the discussion as it wasn’t mentioned again. Then last week my husband said we needed to get our daughters passport renewed. I didn’t understand why until he informed me that his sister reached out to him and our daughter saying that she really wanted to take her on this trip.
I asked my husband who was going to pay for this trip, and he said, “well we would”. My blood started to boil. Not only did his sister go to him and our daughter, but she completely ignored the discussion we had previously had.
His sister makes as much money as the two of us combined and while she can afford this trip, we can’t. Now my daughter thinks she is going, and I look like the bad guy because this isn’t going to happen.
Reader question: Am I right to feel angry about this? I haven’t talked to my sister-in-law yet because I am too upset.
Answer: You have every right to be upset. Disappointing a child no matter what age is never a good thing. Your daughter should have never been told about this potential vacation without all of the adults being in agreement. A conversation needs to be had with your sister-in-law and your husband.
Teenage years, are already tough, I don’t envy you having to break the news that the trip isn’t going to happen. This makes you the bad guy and hopefully you won’t get more attitude and bad behavior.
You have to be honest and explain that while the trip was brought up, it wasn’t agreed upon by everyone and that it just isn’t in the budget this time. Perhaps come up with a plan that if grades and attitude improve then maybe you can do something small or local as a family over the summer instead.
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Yadi Rodriguez, columnist for Cleveland.com and The Plain Dealer