Asking Eric: I filed for divorce and now my spouse is making threats

Dear Eric: I am trying to divorce my spouse, but he is using suicidal ideation to get out of the responsibility.

He was disappointed to receive my divorce petition. He contacted a bunch of people via text that day and got taken to the hospital by the police, who did a welfare check. He stayed there for three weeks.

Next, when I offered to try mediation, he enthusiastically pounced on it, but when the mediator explained that his process was much cheaper than standing before a judge, my spouse threatened to kill himself if he was ever brought to trial with our unresolved negotiations.

He wants me to accept a settlement that offers me about 15 percent of our shared wealth. I hate to set a precedent for future divorces where a person can claim they will try to kill themselves if certain conditions are not met in a divorce process.

What is the most humane course of action here for the sake of humanity?

– Big Picture

Dear Big Picture: What your spouse is doing is emotional abuse. He is trying to manipulate you and your emotions with threats of suicide. It’s good that he received some treatment after the welfare check, but that treatment needs to be ongoing. But at present it can’t be your responsibility to make sure he gets it. Moreover, for your own safety, it’s best if you rely on professionals or others to help him right now.

It may seem that, should you accept an unfair settlement, all this will clear up. I don’t think that’s true. His behavior is controlling. If you don’t have an attorney, it’s important that you consult with one and shift all communication with your spouse to the attorney. You don’t need to be in contact right now. If you are still living in the same place, please reach out to family, friends, and/or the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org, 800-799-7233) to help you get to a safe location while this is going on. Your husband’s threats are a danger to himself and to you. Please make use of the resources available to you, both legal and protective, as well as your support network to ensure your safety.