DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 4-year-old daughter has a June birthday, and we have a party for her with family every year. Due to her birthday being in the busy summer season, my brother and his family have not ever been to her birthday party.
They do not acknowledge her with a phone call, a card or a gift. This bothers me, as I think she is a wonderful little girl who deserves a little recognition on her birthday (like everyone does, in my opinion). I even mentioned to him that he did not get her anything.
I would like to point out that I give his children birthday gifts, and he has given the rest of my children birthday gifts this year.
His response? “Oh, I didn’t?” He never said anything else, so I dropped it. But it bothers me.
Should I let it go, or bring it up again?
GENTLE READER: Please do not teach your daughter to keep track of who is, and is not, acknowledging her birthday. Many people now do that, well into advanced age, and no one is the happier for it.
Miss Manners does not doubt that your little girl is wonderful, and that you are showering her with attention on her birthday, and probably on other days as well. She should not come to feel that there is a reckoning day on which she judges others, and perhaps herself, on the tributes paid her.
Just a guess, but perhaps your brother is not the present-sender in his household. That would account for his vague answer. So if you are going to issue a reminder, address the whole family, including his children. Such a message could say that if it is too much of a nuisance, the exchange of birthday gifts among the cousins could be dropped with no ill will.
Another guess is that his children will lobby to continue receiving presents.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)