Dear Abby: I enjoy helping my friends, my partner and family members. I feel doing good deeds is important in my retirement. My hands are pretty full with getting my elderly dad to medical visits, and I also visit him three times a week. I also have older single friends I do things for, such as occasionally dropping off meals and running errands.
Lately, I have been asked to provide transportation to medical appointments for no less than three of these friends. One, in particular, is more of a friend of my partner. Nevertheless, she expects a lot of me. I feel taking care of my dad and my partner keeps me busy enough. I feel pressured by these other friends. If I say no to them, I feel guilty.
How do I gracefully bow out with these folks? One of them has implied I’m not a good friend if I don’t help them get to the doctor, sit with their dog, etc. She never seems to remember past good deeds and loves to start arguments with everyone (she only has one or two friends left). Any advice?
— Weary Man in Wisconsin
Dear Weary Man: For some folks, it’s only a short step from being a people-pleaser to being a doormat. You have been kind and helpful; now it’s time to start helping yourself. You shouldn’t feel guilty for saying no to entitled individuals. The woman you described is one of them, so don’t expect her to be grateful for the time and effort you have already given.
Developing the ability to say no is similar to weightlifting. Start small, work your way up, and in a short time, you will have developed the muscle. Try it. You’ll like it.
Previously
Dear Abby: Exercise, fitness turned my life around, but they’ve also made it hard to find love
Dear Abby: I’m dating a man who has custody of his daughter and his ex is stirring up trouble
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, California 90069. Copyright 2024, Andrews, McMeel Syndication.
