Asking Eric: My husband doesn’t allow to me go on vacations with friends

Dear Eric: My husband thinks husbands and wives shouldn’t travel separately unless absolutely necessary, that solo trips just open the door for all kinds of issues such as infidelity. (He’s speaking from personal experience.)

As a travel agent, I’d often enjoyed solo travel before we were married, including while we were dating, and I miss it. I’ve passed up many work trips since we’ve been married because my husband mocks them, saying they’re not really work trips as, of course, they involve travel to fun places since that’s my job. I love to travel, and he does not, so we’ve compromised in this area.

This issue has become such a big problem that my husband has actually hinted that we separate as “we’re on completely different pages.”

I’ve suggested counseling, which he won’t consider. I don’t know what else to do to save our marriage. It’s not as if I want to take a girls’ trip every month or even every year, but every once in a while, would be fun, and I’d like to resume work trips when they arise.

– Homebound Travel Lover

Dear Homebound: Your husband is making his baggage your problem and if he’s unwilling to do anything about it, he’s choosing to create a fissure in your marriage. It’s not clear if his personal experience with infidelity is as a cheater or someone who was cheated on, but either way his trauma around this has reached the point of self-sabotage.

I don’t see how he’s compromising here at all, really. I see you giving up something that you love and him continually moving the line. This isn’t fair to you, and I suspect that even if you were to never go on another solo trip again, there’d just be other little infractions that would trouble him.

I don’t want to be too harsh on your husband, but if he won’t even consider counseling – for himself and for the two of you – it doesn’t sound like he’s really committed to the success of your marriage.

You should be able to come and go as you please, particularly as a function of your job. But marriage is not a solo trip. Your husband has to decide if his skewed belief is worth sacrificing your union for. If he remains “my way or the highway” about this, then the answer is the highway.