Dear Abby: My husband and I met on the debate team in high school. We would get into heated debates about every topic, and I think it was one of the things he loved most about me.
Fast-forward 14 years and a couple of children later, and I don’t have the fire in me to debate “oranges vs. strawberries” anymore. Every time I state a simple opinion, he tries to engage in a debate, but he goes from zero to 100 in a minute and forgets to listen to my opinion. I have taken to “letting him win” just to shut him up because I don’t want to hear it. He gets frustrated when I do this and always says that it’s what we used to do.
Abby, my priorities have changed. I’m calmer than I used to be, and most of my attention is focused on our kids. I’m tired of the constant arguing, but I know he enjoys it. Please help me find a common ground with my husband.
— No Fight Left in Me
Dear No Fight: Some couples enjoy contention as a form of foreplay. If you haven’t told your husband what you have related to me, it is important that you do. Since “debating” has been an established pattern in your marital relationship, you may need a licensed marriage and family therapist to help you get your message across, because your husband may have difficulty adjusting to the change in how you communicate.
Previously
Dear Abby: Exercise, fitness turned my life around, but they’ve also made it hard to find love
Dear Abby: I’m dating a man who has custody of his daughter and his ex is stirring up trouble
Dear Abby: Am I wrong? Daughter’s plan to move-in with her family has me troubled, upset
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, California 90069. Copyright 2024, Andrews, McMeel Syndication.
