Dear Annie: I stopped wearing a bra, but I know it makes others uncomfortable

Dear Annie: It’s been seven years now that I’ve engaged in this personal yet somewhat controversial choice, and I still can’t help but wonder — am I crossing a line in certain settings, or is this just my anxiety playing tricks on me again, amplifying what might be nothing more than mundane thoughts?

To give you some context, I’ve always been quite thin until seven years ago, when I began a new medication that caused me to gain 70 pounds. Growing up in a conservative, religious household, wearing a bra wasn’t just expected; it was ingrained as part of the “appropriate” dress code. I followed this rule until the weight gain. When my old bras no longer fit, I avoided buying new ones, partly due to my self-consciousness about my changing body and partly because I held onto the hope that I’d shed the weight quickly.

Over the last four years, I’ve made some attempts to wear one again, but honestly, I find it so much more liberating and comfortable to go without. But here’s the dilemma — going braless means people notice. And while my day-to-day life is small — I don’t attend formal events like weddings, religious services or work meetings — there are still conservative people in my life, including my parents, whose discomfort I can sense.

So, my question is: Are there situations where wearing a bra should still be a consideration? Do I need to concern myself with other people’s discomfort or the label of a “braless feminist,” or can I finally be free of that worry? — Braless in Oregon

Dear Braless: Your personal comfort and well-being should always come first. It’s important to remember that other people’s opinions about your choices, including whether you wear a bra, are truly none of their business. What matters most is how you feel — both physically and emotionally.

If going without a bra helps you feel more comfortable or confident, then it’s perfectly OK to embrace that. Our bodies are unique, and we all have different needs and preferences. It’s your body, and you get to decide what’s best for it.

However, if you’re choosing not to wear a bra solely to provoke a reaction from your parents or others, it might be worth reflecting on that. If their discomfort brings you amusement or attention, it may not lead to positive outcomes in the long run. Ask yourself if this choice is truly coming from a place of self-expression and empowerment, or if it’s motivated by a desire to stir the pot.

Ultimately, the only person who can answer this question is you. Make sure your decision comes from a place of confidence and self-love, not a need for external validation or creating tension. Be kind to yourself, and remember that your comfort and self-respect are what matter most.