Dear Abby: I’m a gay man who is best friends with “Carl,” a man who is straight. We are everything you’d expect of a normal friendship. On a surface level, there is no difference. He goes well out of his way to make me feel welcomed and accepted, and I appreciate it.
Recently, Carl found a significant other. I’m happy for him, because he really does deserve it. The problem is, I am jealous. I know without a shadow of a doubt that my relationship with Carl will never be anything more than platonic. I think I know why this bothers me so much — Carl is nice, smart and attractive, and we get along amazingly — yet someone other than me is with him.
Abby, the thing is, I never wanted to be with him before. (My darkest secret: I recently stole one of his shirts because I wanted part of him with me.) Now I feel like I betrayed our friendship, and I am a thief. I have so many mixed emotions. How should I handle our friendship going forward?
— Lost in Arkansas
Dear Lost: Your feelings under these circumstances are not unusual. You are afraid that because a third person has been put in the mix, your special relationship with Carl will be lost or diminished. It doesn’t have to be that way. You were always friends, and you can continue to be.
However, you may have to branch out and build new relationships, which will not only fill any empty time, but may also lead to you finding a special someone of your own. If you do not feel better after branching out, and there’s an LGBTQ center near you, please consider talking to a counselor there to help you through this. If there isn’t one, search online for emotional support.
Previously
Dear Abby: My mother blatantly favors my son over my daughter and everyone sees it
Dear Abby: I met my husband on a debate team — now just talking is exhausting
Dear Abby: I enjoy helping friends, but how do I say no when it gets overwhelming?
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, California 90069. Copyright 2024, Andrews, McMeel Syndication.
