DEAR MISS MANNERS: I sent out a dinner invitation to my in-laws. My brother-in-law called my husband to confirm attendance. He added that he will be bringing his boyfriend, and will require certain food accommodations because the boyfriend was just discharged from the hospital a couple of days ago after a major organ transplant surgery. I decided to cancel the dinner, telling my husband that it is rude and entitled to inconvenience your host. If one is that delicate that he needs special treatment, then he should stay home. My husband says I’m being too sensitive and should just ignore the request. What does Miss Manners think?
GENTLE READER: That someone should be checking in on the boyfriend who just had a major organ transplant?! Miss Manners has sympathy for the rampant abuse of hosts when it comes to inviting extra people and dictating menus. But she does not cancel dinners over them — and not for legitimate excuses such as bringing an established partner and asking to accommodate his post-hospitalization diet. Not only are you being too sensitive, you are being actively insensitive. But you may take comfort in knowing that your husband’s idea to ignore the (likely) medically necessary dietary request may actually be worse.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
