Asking Eric: I’m starting my life over — but don’t know where to start

Dear Eric: Even though I started off school smart and curious, starting middle school, I did horribly. I couldn’t manage my time wisely. I couldn’t organize my thoughts, and it was paralyzing.

They suggested I be tested for ADHD. I was able to mask any symptoms with a proctor standing over my shoulder, so I passed with flying colors. They suggested my mother look into getting me tested by a doctor. She denied that, saying I was just lazy, and I needed to do better.

Now as an adult, I’m not doing well at all. I don’t know how to navigate this life. I don’t have a degree because I lost motivation for everything, I thought I wanted to learn. I’ve grown paralyzed at the thought of speaking with others, even to the point of making and keeping doctor appointments.

My mother is taking care of my three oldest children (their father, a narcissist just like her, just passed away a year ago). I have a psychiatric evaluation coming up, that’ll hopefully give me some answers.

I need an income for myself. But where do I go? Community help doesn’t help me – churches, groups, et cetera – because I see through and realize these members are wracked with their own issues, so I don’t want to be a burden!

– Starting Over

Dear Starting Over: First things first – you’re not a burden. Care organizations exist because they know that there’s a need for community care. That includes you, too. Please reach out if you need to.

I’m glad that you’ve taken the self-affirming step of getting an evaluation. This is huge and you should give yourself credit. Hopefully, it provides some answers and resources.

If you do have ADHD or another form of neurodivergence, then executive function might be a struggle for you. This isn’t your fault.

Try taking tiny nibbles on the full plate of tasks before you – what’s going on in your life would challenge anyone. One thing at a time, one task a day or whatever cadence feels best for you. A phone call, a web search – try visiting CHADD.org, an incredible clearinghouse of resources for children and adults with ADHD. I also really like the podcast Refocused with Lindsay Guentzel and the fantastic new book “It All Makes Sense Now” by Meredith Carder. You don’t have to solve it all today, but from the steps you’ve already taken, you are on your way.