Yeats wrote ‘The Second Coming’ about Armageddon. Chaos taking over the world, innocence being lost, that sort of thing.
Anyone traversing the dating landscape knows exactly what Yeats is talking about. We’re living it.
You know, dating apps have this feature where you can tell prospective mates the type of relationship you’re in the market for.
You’ll see people say they’re looking for a ‘short term relationship’. A rare few saying they’re looking for a ‘serious relationship’. Some are ‘figuring out their dating goals’. Most are looking for ‘something casual’.
There’s also those that are looking for open relationships, polygamy, ethical non-monogamy, couples, thr-ouples, quint-ouples, sept-ouples (I know).
The names sound like some sort of prescription medication. Though we’ve got some headway to make before a doctor prescribes a sept-ouple for your chronic migraines. All of the options would make your head spin (inducing that migraine).
If you’re anything like me, it might come as a surprise that so many options exist. I mean, who knew?
You may be wondering what all of these swanky, new wave dating terms mean.
Like anything worth knowing, there’s probably an extensive Reddit thread you can reference to learn more.
Though, do proceed with caution. The Irish Examiner won’t fund whatever hypnotherapy you’ll be needing to deal with the aftershock of having your eyes opened to the reality of dating in 2024.
And the hypnotherapy doesn’t come cheap. Trust me, I know.
What I’ve gathered over the years as a young, world-weary woman, is that everyone is basically looking for as little commitment as possible, when it comes to dating.
And in the spirit of non-commitment, we’ve added a few more stages than were previously necessary to the journey to an actual relationship.
It’s no wonder the average age of marriage is only increasing. The average Gen Zer probably doesn’t want to settle down until their late 40s.
During antiquity (what Gen X calls ‘the ’80s’), your meet-cute was probably exchanging the sign of peace in Mass. Then you courted, or went to a dance, or something.
And then, barring any major missteps, you had yourself a relationship. I can understand what people mean when they talk about the good old days.
Now, your meet-cute is probably a cheesy chat up line on a dating app. And if you manage to get from the app into real life, you can begin the lengthy quest to a relationship.
Think of this time as a trial period. Netflix gives you a seven-day free trial before asking you to make a commitment. But the average student is looking for at least two month’s free trial before anyone proposes an actual commitment.
Once you’ve had your meet-cute, maybe gone on a date or two, you may think you’re dating. Nope. You’re just talking. Don’t get ahead of yourself.
After a few more dates, you might tell your friends that you’re seeing each other, if the mood is right.
Think that means you’re seeing only each other? Wrong again. The question of being exclusive is a separate issue entirely. You’ll need at least a month before that question can be asked. And until that question has been posed, you’re still seeing other people.
At a certain stage, the free trial has got to come to an end. An actual commitment is in order. The problem is, the average guy in college doesn’t want to be ‘tied down’ to just one person. So, this is when they might bolt.
What do you expect? He’s just a boy. Deleting the dating apps is a lot to ask. Why can’t we just see what happens?
In fairness, it’s not all boys — just a significant majority.
That’s why we need to make our way through all of the stages of dating. It’s a way of keeping everyone on the same page.
Because the differences between talking, seeing, being exclusive, and being in a relationship with someone are very real. It’s all in the name of clarity.
And if you manage to wade through those unsettled waters, there’s some light at the end of the tunnel.
No need to consult Reddit to figure out what’s going on with all these guy’s dating profiles; you may never need to hear about an oct-ouple again.
Armageddon, the second coming, call it what you like. Personally, I refer to it as Tinder on a Friday night.
