Dear Annie: Widow wonders why dining invitations have stopped

Dear Annie: It’s been two years since my husband passed, and at first, my friends were wonderful — calling, visiting and sending cards. But now that I’m ready to get out again, something strange has happened: I’m rarely included anymore. My husband and I used to be invited to dinners, so why am I left out now? What’s the difference between five people at a table versus six? I always included my single friends.

Talking with other widows, I’ve learned this is common. I don’t think it’s intentional, just thoughtless. When I asked one friend about it, she brushed it off, saying I wasn’t missing much.

If you’re wondering if they liked my husband more, that’s not it; they still call and invite me to lunch. But for casual couples’ gatherings, I’ve become invisible. I’ve even hosted a few dinners myself, and they happily attend. So it’s not that they don’t want to spend time with me, but why the shift in dynamics?

I’ve decided it’s time to branch out and find new friends. This journey of “widowing” comes with unexpected challenges, including losing a place in social circles. — Widowing

Dear Widowing: First and foremost, I’m very sorry for your loss. Thank you for bringing attention to this issue. Losing a life partner is already incredibly isolating, and being excluded from events you once attended only makes healing more difficult. I hope your letter helps people understand the perspective of a widow and encourages them to extend more invitations to you.

The next time you’re out with your friends, consider mentioning how you feel. They likely don’t realize that you still want to be included. People can’t read minds; sometimes, expressing your desires is all it takes.