DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are each attending high school reunions this year.
We each had classmates whose parents we were close to at the time, and we’re wondering how to phrase a question regarding these parents’ still being alive.
How to ask about them? Or not?
GENTLE READER: You do not say what years these reunions mark, but Miss Manners gathers that it is long enough for you to presume that the parents may no longer be with us.
But as you know, any version of “Are they still alive?” is creepy. If they are, it sounds as if they have overstayed their welcome, and if they are not, it sounds as if they have let you down.
Rather, Miss Manners suggests simply telling your classmates how much you liked their parents, providing examples of their kindness, if possible.
If a classmate says, “They’ll be so pleased to hear this,” they are alive. If the response is “I’m so touched to hear this,” they are not.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
