DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have achieved a small degree of social and political success in my community. Unfortunately, that is not the case for my husband.
He is a wonderful spouse and does not cheat or lie; he’s not a bigot or a drunk. Still, he has no friends here where we live. We have invited many couples over for cocktails, but there is never any reciprocity.
I am curious about what is keeping my husband out of the “in” crowd. One fellow has tried, twice, to take me aside and discuss this. His wife stopped the conversation the first time, and something else interrupted him the other time. I am convinced he will try again, and despite my curiosity, I don’t like the idea of listening to someone denigrate my husband.
How am I to respond when this acquaintance tries again to take me aside?
GENTLE READER: “Before you begin, I should tell you that I will not hear my husband unjustly maligned. No doubt your feedback is constructive and kindly meant, but I will not have him insulted. If you have information that you think will help him, however, please proceed.”
Miss Manners confesses that she would not be able to resist knowing what everyone else in your circle already knows. But if you are stronger than she, you can end this speech after the first line.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)