Asking Eric: I wasn’t invited to a family wedding. Should I still send a gift?

Dear Eric: I have two nephews who were recently married.

My adult children were invited to the events, but my husband and I were not, nor did we receive a formal announcement. I have not sent a card or gift to my nephews.

I am interested in accepted protocol for acknowledging an event when the couples don’t send even an announcement or explanation for invitation restrictions.

I know I can do what I want but what do others do?

– Uninvited Dilemma

Dear Uninvited Dilemma: About a decade ago, Miss Manners wrote “a wedding invitation is not an invoice”. That’s fabulous guidance for both guests and celebrants to remember. It stands to reason, then, that the absence of an invitation is also not an invoice. You don’t have an obligation here.

It all depends on the relationship you have with your nephews. If you feel compelled to share your well-wishes, despite not getting an invite, I’m sure that would be welcome and could even help build a stronger relationship. However, it seems that you’re rightfully perplexed about why you didn’t make the cut. If you’re looking for an explanation, a gift is less likely to prompt one than a direct ask. You can do that. But I would just send a card and let it go.