Asking Eric: My son received a difficult medical diagnosis. Can I share it with others?

Dear Eric: My adult son was a stellar athlete and scholar in our small Midwest high school.

But as the years went on, he ended up suffering from chronic pain due to a back injury, which thwarted a career path after college.

A year ago, he was diagnosed with long Covid, which he and his partner still have. He recently also received a mental diagnosis and continues to have challenges.

My husband and I are close with him and his partner, although they live out of state. My question is how to answer friends/acquaintances who ask how he is doing? Most remember him from high school as a leader and know about the long Covid problems but not about his mental challenges. What should I say?

– Messenger Mom

Dear Mom: Check in with your son and see how he feels. There’s no right or wrong answer, but the more you say about anyone, the more you risk violating their boundaries.

While there’s nothing wrong with telling friends everything that’s going on, when folks ask for an update, there’s rarely an expectation of the whole story. Telling folks the latest on the struggles they already know about should suffice unless there’s reason to go into greater detail. That said, when we tell people we trust what’s going on with us, we also give them an opportunity to show up for us in times of need.