Dear Abby: My sister-in-law “Bethany” has been diagnosed with PTSD from her military service. For the past 15 years, Bethany has picked fights with my wife, her sister, over anything and everything. She feels my wife “changed” after she married me.
Bethany didn’t like how we treated their father after we moved in four years ago so we could take care of him. (He recently passed.) She also doesn’t like that we are living in the house that was her childhood home. She starts fights that escalate into screaming matches, while making herself out as the victim. She keeps reminding us that she has PTSD. My wife screams, cries and sobs during these conversations.
My wife won’t cut Bethany off because they’re siblings, but I’m sick and tired of seeing her in tears trying to figure out what she did wrong. Whenever Bethany comes to visit, she ends up staying at our house. The fights are unbearable. I have begged and pleaded for my wife to cut her off. It’s affecting me now. Any advice would be appreciated.
— Powerless in Michigan
Dear Powerless: Please share this with your wife. Has it not occurred to her that she has done NOTHING wrong, and that Bethany’s rages may have less to do with PTSD than plain old jealousy? By now, the two of you must have realized that the price of having a relationship with her sister is too high. That your wife would allow herself to be repeatedly abused this way mystifies me.
When Bethany starts up again, your wife should hang up the phone. If Bethany shows up and can’t control herself, she should not be allowed in. If she’s already in, she should be told to leave immediately. Until the two of you draw a firm line, nothing will change, and it could very well destroy your marriage.
Previously
Dear Abby: My mother blatantly favors my son over my daughter and everyone sees it
Dear Abby: I met my husband on a debate team — now just talking is exhausting
Dear Abby: I enjoy helping friends, but how do I say no when it gets overwhelming?
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, California 90069. Copyright 2024, Andrews, McMeel Syndication.
