Dear Abby: A close male friend, “Will,” ended our friendship without warning. I didn’t know he had such strong feelings about my current arrangement. I have been dating a married man, “Bart,” whose wife suggested he get himself a girlfriend if he wanted sex/intimacy/companionship. She also told him she would “never want to sleep with him again.” It has been 10 years since they were last intimate or even shared a bed. They don’t live together; Bart lives in his guest house. They share a son, which is why he doesn’t want to leave.
As a parent, I understand. It’s why I stayed in my own marriage for so long. The circumstances are less than ideal and something I never thought I’d be a part of, but I haven’t felt this wonderful in years. My ex-husband and I were never this compatible. When I’m with Bart, it’s magical, and I believe it’s mutual.
For this choice of mine, Will has severed our friendship. He did it via text. I’d told him about it two weeks earlier, and he advised me to be careful. He called Bart and me “cheaters,” but it’s not exactly like that. I’m deeply hurt over this loss. I want to know if Will is in the wrong or if I am.
— No Cheater in Arizona
Dear No Cheater: Does who is “right or wrong” matter at this point? Your friend Will does not approve of your affair with Bart because of his marital status and has chosen to distance himself. That’s his privilege. You made an adult decision to engage in this relationship, and it has cost you a friend. Live your life, but don’t be shocked if others also feel the way Will does.
Previously
Dear Abby: How do I cope with the silence from close relatives that deepens the loss of my mother?
Dear Abby: My handsy brother-in-law wouldn’t leave me alone, but my sister thinks I’m the villain
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, California 90069. Copyright 2024, Andrews, McMeel Syndication.
