Dear Abby: I was physically, emotionally and sexually abused by my oldest brother (six years my senior) from ages 6 to 11. As soon as I could verbalize what was happening, I went to my parents and told them. They believed me, but swept it under the rug and didn’t provide any kind of therapy or treatment for either of us.
At 15, I had a mental breakdown. After that, I said, “It’s not like I will ever forget what he did to me.” My mother finally decided to get me a therapist. Through years of therapy (I’m 25 now) I found healing, grace and forgiveness, but I feel that is for me to know and no one else’s business.
Even though my parents know exactly what my brother did, they continue trying to mend our relationship, although I have expressed that I never want to have a relationship with him again.
My brother is now engaged to a woman he’s been with for four years. She has met everyone in my family except me. She has never reached out to me, which I find odd. I know my brother hasn’t given her the whole truth about what he did to me as a child because he still tries to downplay it.
If I were being married to someone and had met every member of their family except their only sister, I’d be suspicious and would want to know why. Should I send his fiancee an anonymous letter giving her all the details?
— Victimized in the South
Dear Victimized: If you send your brother’s fiancee an anonymous letter, she could construe it as “someone,” possibly an old girlfriend, trying to break them up. Between you and me, I do think someone should warn her about her fiance’s history. If you are willing to risk doing it, your family is sure to be very upset. However, if you are determined to send that letter, you should have the courage to sign your name.
Previously
Dear Abby: Exercise, fitness turned my life around, but they’ve also made it hard to find love
Dear Abby: I’m dating a man who has custody of his daughter and his ex is stirring up trouble
Dear Abby: Am I wrong? Daughter’s plan to move-in with her family has me troubled, upset
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, California 90069. Copyright 2024, Andrews, McMeel Syndication.
