Dear Annie: I cut ties with my sister after realizing she’s not my problem and I feel much better now

Dear Annie: I am a sister who cut ties with a sibling, and I’d like to offer my perspective on why. Sometimes, family members who choose to disengage have valid reasons for doing so.

In my case, my sister has spent her life using and manipulating others. Her world is full of drama, and she constantly expects our family to rescue her from situations she created. My parents spent their lives rescuing her, and they expected me, as the older sister, and even my children, to do the same. Every family gathering became an opportunity for her to share her problems and ask for our money, time or anything else she wanted. She even taught her son to behave in the same way.

I began to dread seeing or hearing from them because it was never peaceful or pleasant. My therapist eventually asked me why I continued to let my sister and her son upset me so much. The answer: My parents had ingrained in me the belief that because she was my sister, I had to take care of her. But through therapy, I learned that I have a responsibility to take care of myself, and I have the power to choose whether to allow anyone to manipulate and upset me.

So, I chose to cut ties, and I’m much happier now. I imagine my sister has found others to rely on, but she’s no longer my problem. — Estranged Sister

Dear Estranged: I’m sharing your letter to provide an example of someone who has chosen to cut ties with a family member. It’s a highly controversial topic, and I encourage my readers to write in and share their own experiences — whether estrangement has worked for them or if they’ve had a change of heart and welcomed the family member back into their life, perhaps with clearer boundaries.