Dear Annie: My grandson’s girlfriend is too controlling

Dear Annie: My 27-year-old grandson has stopped speaking to both his mother and me. We used to have a very close relationship, but that changed about a month ago. He and his girlfriend, who is quite controlling, have four children together, all under the age of 4. Unfortunately, his girlfriend has started arguments with us on three separate occasions over the same issue, and each time it results in us being cut off from seeing the kids.

Recently, I was hospitalized for 10 days, and my daughter informed him that I was in the intensive care unit. I expected him to reach out to see how I was doing, but I never heard from him. I’ve texted and called him multiple times, trying to understand why he’s avoiding me, but he hasn’t responded. It’s gotten so bad that we didn’t even know they were expecting their fourth child until after the baby was born.

I’m heartbroken and confused about the sudden distance between us. I’m looking for answers on how to handle this situation and whether there’s any way to mend the relationship. — Missing My Grandson

Dear Missing My Grandson: First of all, I’m glad to hear that you’re out of the ICU and on the road to recovery. In terms of your expectations for your grandson to check in on you more often, or give you more attention, the best approach may be to simply reach out to him directly. With four young children (congratulations on being a great-grandma!), he’s likely very busy but might actually appreciate hearing from you directly.

That being said, if you’ve made an effort to be there for him and your great-grandkids, and he continues to push you away, it’s possible that your instincts are correct — his wife may indeed be exerting control over him. The fact that she seems to pick fights with his family can sometimes be a red flag for narcissistic behavior.

Keep being kind and supportive to your grandson, but also try to accept that he’s probably overwhelmed with the demands of parenting four kids under the age of 4. It’s likely not personal, even though it may feel hurtful.