DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend asked for advice on how to deal with a neighbor asking her to be quiet.
My friend, who is in her 60s, recently moved into an apartment. She met a neighbor who asked if she was an early riser, and she responded “yes.” The neighbor then told her she was too loud on the stairs and that she used the bathroom too often. The neighbor likes to sleep in, apparently.
My friend said she would be more mindful. She holds on to the railing when she walks down the stairs, and takes them slowly, but they are made of concrete and metal. They make noise. And she can’t change her bathroom usage to accommodate the neighbor.
What is the proper response if she is confronted again? She is trying to be a respectful neighbor.
GENTLE READER: Being neighborly means managing behavior — and expectations — on both sides. If the phrasing of the initial meeting was as reported, then your friend was already mistreated when told, rather than requested, to modify her (necessary, normal) behavior.
A neighbor who is disinclined to be civil is best kept at a distance. If a literal distance is not possible, then a polite coolness — and excusing oneself quickly from any future chance encounters — will have to suffice.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
