DEAR MISS MANNERS: Am I obliged to dislike people my longtime partner dislikes?
On our daily dog walk in a nearby park, we often encounter a woman with a Doberman pinscher that has been aggressive toward our dog in the past (barking, snapping, pulling on its leash), although it has been behaving better recently. My partner dislikes this woman on the grounds that she does not properly control her dog, and doesn’t like it when I greet her with a simple “Good morning.”
Likewise, a woman in our neighborhood had a dog years ago that behaved aggressively toward my partner’s dog. When we encounter her on the street, my partner ignores her and says I am being disloyal by not doing the same. (My usual greeting is a neutral “hello.”)
How far should my loyalty to my partner go?
GENTLE READER: The support of a partner is powerful, but, as yours demonstrates, people do not always fully understand how it is supposed to work.
It is reasonable of your partner to expect you to take sides against misbehaving dog owners. A cool demeanor towards those who do not control their animals is reasonable — though that can still include a neutral greeting.
But it is also your job to tell your partner when public behavior is wrong. Continuing to snub someone for something that, in the first case, is no longer happening, or, in the second case, happened years ago, is rude. Your partner should be dissuaded from such behavior, rather than emulated.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
