DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a gregarious friend who likes to involve service people, such as cashiers and waiters, in conversations he is having with me. Occasionally I will make a request, such as asking a waiter about the contents of an entree, for a reason this friend knows. He then often says something to me along the lines of, “Do you want to tell him, or should I?” This, of course, leads to an awkward pause. I find this rude on several points. First, I am capable of giving the person all the info they need to know, such as dietary or religious needs, to fulfill my request. Second, it feels to me like he is co-opting the conversation so he is now in control of it. And third, it puts me uncomfortably on the spot, as now the service person expects further (unnecessary) clarification that I do not wish to give. I am requesting your assistance on a non-rude, effective retort to my friend that will prevent this behavior.
GENTLE READER: What your friend is doing is a breach of both etiquette and friendship. But Miss Manners assures you that if you treat it as such, just once, you will not have to repeat yourself: “If you are about to share an aspect of my medical history that there is no reason for him to know, then I would ask that you please not do so.”
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
