DEAR MISS MANNERS: Lately I have noticed an increase in people saying “I appreciate you” instead of “Thank you” or “I appreciate it.”
I really don’t like it. I hear it fairly often from a co-worker, and I think she is sincere, so I just say “Thank you.”
That feels wrong, however. If I just went out of my way to help her, shouldn’t she say “Thank you” so I can say “You’re welcome”?
The other night at the theater, the people next to me were trying to figure out if the number on the shared armrest meant the seat to the left or to the right. I helped them out and got “I appreciate you,” which they certainly do not. They don’t know me at all.
GENTLE READER: Neither does Miss Manners, but she advises you to take a deep breath and relax.
Yes, it is a simple exchange: “Thank you”; “You’re welcome.” It had been drummed into everyone at those earliest birthday parties (“Say ‘thank you,’ dear”; “Now you say ‘you’re welcome’”) to the point where it came out automatically.
Or so we thought.
Then people started replying to “thanks” with “no problem,” which (somewhat ironically) created a problem for many who were jarred by the change. Miss Manners is kept busy explaining that dismissing the act that inspired thanks is standard in many languages.
And now you are hearing “I appreciate you” replacing “thank you,” and you find it upsetting.
Truthfully, Miss Manners sympathizes; the change seems pointless. Why fool around with a convention that everyone understood and practiced? Yet language does change, and it is futile to expect otherwise.
You know perfectly well what was meant by “I appreciate you.” If it had been phrased as “I appreciate your taking the trouble to help me,” you might even have thought it graceful. Try just smiling in reply, and then watching the stage.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
