(Series 3)
By Rady HF –
Maria sat on the edge of the bed, hands clutching the hospital blanket tightly. His eyes are swollen and it’s hard to sleep every night. His thoughts and feelings are intertwined.
He no longer knows what is true and what is not. Harun’s face still haunts every moment of her life, as if her husband never left. Every time he closed his eyes, Harun’s shadow came again with a bloodied face and accusing eyes.
While sitting in the hospital room, Maria heard the door open. He immediately turned his head and saw Dr. Kamal enter with a serious but sympathetic face.
“Maria, how are you feeling today?” asked Dr. Kamal in a soft tone, trying to break the silence.
Maria did not answer. His eyes just stared blankly at the doctor, as if he didn’t understand the question being asked. Dr. Kamal approached Maria, sitting in the chair next to her bed.
He took a deep breath before continuing, “I know this is not easy for you, Maria. I understand the trauma you are going through. But we have to go on living.”
“I can’t…” Maria spoke softly, her voice hoarse and almost inaudible. “I can’t move on… he’s still here, Doctor. He’s everywhere.”
Dr. Kamal looked at Maria with an empathetic look. He knew that Maria’s trauma had turned into something darker. Something deeper than just guilt, a feeling of being haunted by something he couldn’t control.
“Maria, I know what you are feeling right now may feel very real, but you need to realize that this is all just a manifestation of the trauma you are going through. Harun… he is gone.”
Maria shook her head, tears starting to flow down her cheeks. “No, Doctor. He’s not gone. He’s still with me. He’s punishing me… for what I’ve done.”
Dr. Kamal took a deep breath. He knew the recovery process would take a long time and it would not be easy.
“Maria, you have to remember, what happened that night was an accident. You defend yourself.”
Maria looked at Dr Kamal with eyes full of sadness and regret. “But… I started it all. I planned to kill him. If I don’t make that decision, he won’t die.”
Dr. Kamal was silent. Maria’s words were true even though Harun died in the fight, Maria’s plan to poison him was the beginning of it all. How could he possibly break free from that burden?
“Maria,” Dr. Kamal began in a firm but soft tone, “You cannot continue to live in the shadows of the past. I know the guilt is great, but if you keep punishing yourself, you will never be free.”
Maria was just silent. His heart was still confused between hating what he did and feeling afraid to continue living in fear of Harun’s shadow.
That night, Maria lay in a hospital bed, her eyes wide open and staring at the ceiling. It had been several nights that he had not slept soundly. The same nightmares keep haunting him. Every time he falls asleep, Harun comes again with a bloody face, asking the same question.
“Why are you doing this, Maria? Why did you betray me?”
That night was no different. Although his body was tired, his mind continued to stir. Maria closed her eyes, trying to forget everything. But as usual, Harun’s shadow came again.
He stood at the end of the bed, looking at Maria with a grim face. Blood was still dripping from the wound in his stomach.
“You can’t run from meMaria,” Harun’s voice echoed in the room. “You will never escape what you’ve done.”
Maria closed her eyes tightly, hoping the shadow would disappear. But Harun still stood there, getting closer, getting closer.
“You can’t run…”
“No!” shouted Maria, suddenly sitting upright on the bed. Sweat wet his forehead and he was panting like he had just run. Maria’s eyes were wild, looking for her husband’s shadow in the room, but there was nothing. Only darkness and silence.
“Enough! I can’t do this anymore!” Maria shouted loudly, her voice echoing in the silent room.
Suddenly, the door to the room opened in a hurry. A nurse came in, followed by Dr Kamal who looked anxious. “Maria, are you okay?” asked Dr. Kamal, seeing Maria’s state of being so disturbed.
“He’s here! He won’t leave me alone!” Maria continued to scream, tears streaming down her cheeks.
He thrashed about, as if trying to fight something invisible. The nurse tried to calm her down, but Maria was panicking.
Dr. Kamal looked at the nurse. “We need to sedate her,” he said simply.
Maria tried to fight back as the nurse approached her with the injection, but her body eventually weakened after the medicine began to react. In a semi-conscious state, Maria could still hear Harun’s voice.
“You can’t run away from me, Maria… forever.”
A week later, Maria’s condition seems to be getting better. Although Harun’s shadow still haunts him, he has begun to learn to accept what happened. Dr. Kamal also does not stop giving counseling and support.
However, deep in her heart, Maria knew that the sin would never go away. It will always be a part of him, an indelible scar.
One night, Maria sat in bed, looking out the hospital window. The faint moonlight streamed in, illuminating the room calmly.
For the first time in weeks, Maria felt some peace. He knows his road to recovery is still long, but at least he’s taken the first step.
However, when he was about to close his eyes to sleep, a soft voice whispered in his ear.
“Maria… I’m still here.”
Maria was silent, her eyes wide open. His chest felt tight and the peace he felt a moment ago just disappeared. He looked around, but there was no one.
Just silence.
Maria took a deep breath. He knew that Aaron or Aaron’s shadow would never leave. Whenever he tries to step forward, the sins of his past will always follow him, like an inseparable shadow.
And that night, Maria realized something. Maybe he will never be truly free. Harun will continue to haunt his mind not as a ghost, but as a reminder that there are sins that cannot simply be erased.
With that, Maria closed her eyes, letting the darkness envelop her, as she promised herself to persevere. That’s all he can do. Hold on… as long as he can.
